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Pastors' Wives Retreat

Pastors' Wives Resource site provided by the Sunday School Discipleship Ministries International, a ministry of the Church of the Nazarene. We want to hear about your experiences, the lessons you’ve learned and how God’s Word and prayer supported and sustained you in the joys and challenges of parsonage life.

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Yours, O Lord, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the majesty and the splendor for everything in heaven and earth is Yours. 1 Chronicles 29:11

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We want to hear about your experiences, the lessons you’ve learned and how God’s Word and prayer supported and sustained you in the joys and challenges of parsonage life.

All submissions will be reviewed before they are posted.

Have You Lost That Lovin’ Feeling? PDF Print E-mail
Written by Pamela Enderby   

by Pamela Enderby

During my husband’s seminary years, my ministry strategy took shape. I attended a few evening classes led by seasoned pastors’ wives who shared a plethora of heartwarming experiences and frequently exhorted us, “Just love the people in your congregation!”

So for the past 25 years that’s what I have done. I have prayed with angry, confused women whose husbands were addicted to pornography. I have cried with heartbroken moms of pregnant teenage daughters. I have comforted grieving widows. And I have prepared a multitude of meals for new mothers. For the most part, I’ve experienced tremendous joy in strengthening these loved ones with prayer, blessings, and encouragement.

However, after dearly loving these sheep, I was hurt by some when they deserted the church for what I considered trivial reasons: “Someone spoke unkindly to my son at youth group” “The pastor didn’t visit me when I was in the hospital” “The worship is too long.” And while their gripes had nothing to do with me directly, still I felt betrayed.

Ignoring my hurt and disappointment only provided a seedbed for resentment that squelched my desire to keep loving others. That’s when I began applying biblical principles to foster personal healing.

1. Don’t be surprised (1 Peter 4:12). Jesus likened people to sheep, which are stubborn, simple-minded, and prone to wonder. Therefore, expect to experience misunderstandings, betrayal, and disapproval from people you care for, just as Jesus experiences from us.
2. Embrace the pain (Ecclesiastes 7:4). Experience the frustration, sorrow, and anger. Turn to God with the agony of your hurt and pour out your complaints. Your honesty and humility will uncover any destructive attitude that needs transformation.
3. Admit your sin (James 5:16). Bitterness, resentment, and anger respect no one. Confess these emotions to a trusted friend or mentor. Humbly accept her healing prayers and biblical counsel. Journaling also provides a safe, healthy outlet for wounded emotions. And when negative thoughts or feelings rear up regarding someone, practice audibly saying, “I forgive you.”
4. Feed on God’s Word (Psalm 119:28). Just as you point wounded others to God’s Word, so nurture your own soul with scriptures that speak of God’s affirming love, faithfulness, and steadfastness. When you lift your attention off yourself to praise God’s excellence, you’ll find that discouragement and depression retreat.
5. Be a blessing (Romans 12:21). Resist retaliation and alienation. Build bridges of love by sending estranged friends an occasional note, a birthday card, or Christmas letter. Above all, speak and pray blessings on their behalf.
6. Develop an openhanded posture (Hebrews 3:4). As God builds your church, trust Him to provide the exact church members you’ll need. Love them, and loosely hold them. He rearranges His people to fit His plans, even when it seems as if they left for the wrong reasons.

Healing my wounded heart was not a quick fix. Taking these steps required time, patience, and persistence. When I feel fainthearted in this process, I remember the Lord’s kindness to King Hezekiah, who faithfully led God’s people with wholehearted devotion. “I have heard your prayer and seen your tears; I will heal you” (2 Kings 20:5).

Pam is the Office Manager for Come to the Fire Ministries in Olathe, Kansas.

A note to Pastors' husbands –  

We welcome pastors’ husbands to visit this page and to provide insights into the needs and challenges you face. Let us know how we can minister to you and assist as you fulfill your supportive roles. Send your comments and suggestions to us at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it . Until then, we welcome you to join the discussions and provide resources on this site...Read More

Prayer support –

Each weekday, Sunday School and Discipleship Ministries International (SDMI) meet for prayer. All requests will be presented to the staff, except those identified as confidential. We’ll pray for you, asking God to work and to extend grace and mercy...Read More

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